my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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