meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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