good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
