I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
