Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
