Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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