My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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