Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
