Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
