So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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