im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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