Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
