capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You smell like stripper and shame
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
