By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
