ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize