OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
