It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
