I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
