Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
