I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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