and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize