Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
