Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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