Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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