Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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