I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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