he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
