I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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