i was born a porn star she said
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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