Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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