Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
