You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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