Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
