I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
