What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
