I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
