now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
