help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
