is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
