worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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