so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
