My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
