I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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