We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
