Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
