he was CRYING into my vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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