I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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