best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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