Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
