New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
