He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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