So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
