My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so much tequila, so little girl.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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