Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
