Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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