where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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