eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
