My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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