I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
