I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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