I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
