I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
