I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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