His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
