Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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