Me too!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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