Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
