Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
