I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
