i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
