I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
