We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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