i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize