During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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