dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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