Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
