just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
