margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
