he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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