Im at strip club and am horny
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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