quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize