I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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