I think im going to throw up on grandma
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
