Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize