tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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