we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
