so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
