I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
worst night to have a conscience
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
