do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
