If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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