He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize