Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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