piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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