I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
