i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
