just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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