Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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