I wish life had little blips of pornography
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
