I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
