Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
