I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize