I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize